I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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