I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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