dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
