i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
