i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
