Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize