It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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