Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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