Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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