You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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