a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
