You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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