I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He did a backflip because drugs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
