stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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