I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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