I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
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