A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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