I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
