dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
