walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
