my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize