i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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