Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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