there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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