Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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