Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
