she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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