Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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