I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
