I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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