if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I still have a little drunk in my system
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
