Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!