this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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