guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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