wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
