Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize