I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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