i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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