One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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