i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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