i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
