Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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