the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
