so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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