Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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