super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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