We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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