I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
