i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
