Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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