your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
