somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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