i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
