We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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