Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
