Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
