Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
