Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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