i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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