Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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