just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
